In our lives we each have been or will be faced with a life-changing event. These are the moments when there is a shift in our perspective and we can see something anew. And, we are changed forever.
August 14, 2014 was one of these moments for me. That day I woke up with a feeling of accomplishment and a sense of great hope for what my future held. I felt more joyful, more powerful, and more alive than I could ever remember feeling. And this took me by surprise. You see, a year earlier on this date I was starting a new life, a life without the benefit of having a living parent to rely on, turn to for advice, or commiserate with.
My father had died three years earlier which was life changing in itself. I learned then that there was one promise my father, who had been my all powerful hero, could not keep and that was the feat of outsmarting death. Deep down I believed that he could, but he died anyway. I was heartbroken.
Two and a half years after his death my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer and she was given six months to live. I knew about death personally. I knew that people who represent strength and signify life do in fact die, so I began to prepare.
I was fortunate enough to be able to take care of my mom every other weekend after driving the 250 miles (one way) to be with her and in the last weeks of her life I was able to move back home and be there for her until the end. Witnessing her change from my strong take charge mom to someone so dependent on everyone for everything was unbearable. And then, there was the sobering reality which set in as her spirit left her body. A sorrowful emptiness filled my heart. I was alone to tie up the loose ends of my mother’s life and to carry on mine without my dad and now, my mom.
I questioned my ability to survive without them. I’d wake up in the morning and lie down to sleep at night with this as my nagging companion. It was hard. As the executrix of her estate I had to empty out a house of 33 years of accumulation, get it sold, and deal with all the other things involved with taking care of her affairs all while dealing with my loss and grief. I was strong and didn’t break down until four months after her passing when I was faced with my first first day without my biggest cheerleader. I had landed a new job and the night before starting it I found myself bawling because she wasn’t there to encourage me like she had at every other first day I’d ever experienced. At that moment I was a six year old starting first grade but without my mother.
But despite my uncertainty on navigating life without living parents, I surprised myself. In those first 365 days not only had I survived, but I actually thrived. I’d cleaned out and sold my childhood home. I’d gotten a new job in record time. I overcame big challenges at this new job and I became recognized as a valuable asset there. I gained a new perspective on life and started seeing my challenges as opportunities instead of problems. On a personal level I began writing again enrolling in several creative writing classes and I even created a blog, posted on it regularly, and amassed quite a portfolio of work. I was able to maintain my 75 pound weight loss and earn my purple belt in karate. And on August 14, 2014 I came to the realization that although my parents were no longer with me on earth, they had instilled in me (and I had learned) all the things I needed to carry on and be successful. They had given me the strength, the courage, and the drive to persevere and achieve in the face of adversity.
Photo credit:Lou